I’m not even remotely close to being done with this recap but I thought I’d put up what I do have. For some reason, recapping this one hour weekly show took 6 pages (front and back) while recapping the one hour daily show only took 3 pages (front and back).

The show opens on a running shower. The camera follows feet as they step into the shower and then pans up to the calf. Before it gets to the knees, the shot changes and we see that the legs belong to a Woman. I know The Woman’s name, but seeing as this show is supposed to work for an audience who has never seen General Hospital, I’m not going to put their names up until the character’s are introduced to me as a viewer. She puts her face under the spray a couple of times. The shot changes again and we see the woman’s back from the waist up (no nudity here, even though the show’s on cable and being shown at 11pm). A Guy comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her. She turns around, mildly surprised but says nothing. Instead she embraces him and they start to kiss. The camera tracks away from them to their clothes in a heap on the floor and their pagers, both of which are going off.

Cut to a scene of both of them running through the ER doors. The Guy goes one way, while the Woman goes another and runs into Lando Calrissian (that would be Billy Dee Williams and since he doesn’t get a name this episode, I’m going to call him Lando until he does). He cautions her to slow down, but chuckles at her exuberance. The Woman continues on her way and passes A Volunteer, who jokingly tells her that she’s busted. The Woman laughs that she’s not on duty yet, but The Volunteer says that Epiphany’s mad anyways.

The Guy gets to the Nurses’ Station first and asks Epiphany what they’ve got. Epiphany asks if he means other than 2 doctors who are late. The Woman comes up to the other side of the Nurses’ Station and asks Epiphany the same question The Guy asked. Epiphany wonders why they think they can fool her when she can see that they’re both wet and both didn’t answer their pagers. Neither one of them says anything so she tells them about why she paged them. A little boy fell ou of a tree and has possible head trauma. She wants The Guy to look at the CAT Scan results. She walks off towards Student Nurse #1, who’s watching the Nurses’ Station scene. Student Nurse #1 doesn’t get a name until almost the end of the episode and that’s really bugging me. I get that they introduced the 3 student nurses and 2 new doctors on the actual show but I can’t be expected to remember names from one or two shows from weeks ago. Anyways, Epiphany tells SN1 that the paperwork isn’t going to fill itself out. SN1 then asks a patient in the waiting room if he’s experienced any dizzy spells or nausea. He shows her his bleeding hand and reminds her that he cut his hand. I get that they’re trying to show that she’s a student nurse and therefore not confident but I feel that’s a fair question. He could’ve lost a lot of blood and was woozy or been ill from seeing blood. Nurse #1 feels sorry for SN1 and tells her to go help the Volunteer stock the supply cart. SN1 starts to walk towards where Maxie is but then gets pushed out of the way by some orderlies wheeling in a patient. SN1 turns around and gets asked by an Old Woman who would like to see a doctor. SN1 tells the OW to have a seat in the waiting area and they’ll be right with her. When SN1 goes to the nurses’ station to get a clipboard, SN2 tells SN1 not to bother, as the OW (Mrs. Storch) comes in every week and there’s nothing wrong with her. She’s just lonely. In the background, you can hear Epiphany on the phone telling someone that she can barely hear them. SN1 wonders if she should take Mrs. Storch’s information. SN2 says that Mrs. Storch is technically a patient, but if it were up to her, she wouldn’t. Hmmm…not sure a STUDENT nurse should be making those kinds of decisions.

Epiphany tells Dr. Scorpio (The Woman) and Dr. Drake (The Guy) that there’s an incoming patient with possible head trauma and altered LLC. Dr. Scorpio and Dr. Drake walk to the ER doors. He tells her to take the little boy with the head trauma. She tells him that he doesn’t get to tell her what to do. While they’re sniping at each other, a Military Guy gets out of his car and reaches for his cigarettes. Dr. Drake wants to know where the ambulance is. Epiphany tells him that it’s en route. SN3 comes out, late, and Epiphany busts her about it. SN3 is Nurse Crowell. A black SUV pulls up and parks. The Driver gets out and opens up the back passenger door. Another Guy and A Young Guy get out and YG’s mouth is working 100 miles a minute. His right foot is bandaged and he’s apologizing to AG, calling him Stone Cold. There’s a Pregnant Woman crossing the street, as the ambulance arrives swerving erratically. PW has to jump out of the way and falls down. Driver, Stone Cold and YG have to jump out of the way as well. The ambulance backs up and the EMTs get out, laughing. Dr. Drake is mad. He opens up the back of the ambulance and sees the woman in the back, laughing as well. Dr. Scorpio goes to get some orderlies, which Epiphany berates the 2 EMTs. MG puts a cigarette in his mouth and grabs his matches. Dr. Drake starts to pull the woman out of the back of the ambulance when he smells something. He warns everyone to get back and yells at MG not to light his cigarette but it’s too late since MG has struck the match. Dr. Drake grabs MG and they hit the ground as the match causes the gas to explode. Dr. Scorpio screams “Paaaaatrick!”

And with that bit of cliffhanger-y goodness, we’re at the opening credits, which consist of a shot of the skyline of Port Charles from the water and the sky fading from daytime to nighttime. What’s nice about it is that you can see the docks (with a Welcome to Port Charles sign), Pier 52, GH, Metro Court, and ELQ.

Once we’re done with the opening credits, you see Dr. Scorpio run to Patrick, who’s been knocked out cold. Epiphany yells for someone to get a fire extinguisher. Dr. Scorpio tells Nurse Crowell to get a backboard, spinal equipment, and to page Dr. Laurence. MG starts to get up and Epiphany tells him to stay down until someone can look at him. He tells her to take cover. Stone Cold sees that the woman in the ambulance is burning so he goes running to the ambulance. MG grabs Stone Cold and tells him that the rockets are firing and he needs to take cover. Stone Cold punches MG and he goes down. Wow, Stone Cold must have one hell of a punch because MG didn’t get knocked out when the ambulance exploded. Stone Cold takes off his jacket, pulls the gurney out and tries to put out the fire. Nurse Crowell watches. A nurse in the background calls for a burn unit and Dr. Pangborn to be paged.

Dr. Scorpio is attending to Patrick. She yells for a gurney. The staff get him on to one and wheel him into the ER. Dr. Scorpio has him put into Trauma Room 1 and tells Nurse Crowell to page Dr. Laurence again. Dr. Scorpio checks Patrick’s pupils, then calls for Cindy (not sure who that is. a nurse?). Epiphany comes running in and says that Cindy’s with the burn patient. Dr. Scorpio rattles off what she wants from Epiphany for Patrick: full bag of potassium, CBC, CT scan, cspine, and an OR standing by. She asks if they’ve heard from Dr. Laurence. Patrick regains consciousness enough to call Laurence a hack. Dr. Scorpio, relieved, jokes that their A-list neurosurgeon is indisposed. Epiphany leaves.

In the waiting room, Stone Cold deposits Young Guy into a chair and sends The Driver to go find a doctor. And that is the last we see of him in this whole episode. Dude didn’t even get to speak. YG is impressed that Stone Cold tried to save the woman in the ambulance. He tells Stone Cold that his foot pain is intense but purifying and now that he’s passed his initiation, he can take his place next to him. Stone Cold points out that YG shot himself in the foot. He tells YG to get the foot elevated and goes to check on Max (formerly The Driver).

SN2 puts PW in the waiting room. She asks if the baby’s okay. PW says her knees hurt but baby is okay. She says she had an appointment with Dr. Lee. SN2 says she’ll call Dr. Lee’s office. Wait a tick. This is Night Shit, which means it’s taking place between midnight and 8am. Why is a pregnant woman making an appointment at midnight?

Epiphany notices YG in the waiting room with his leg up and asks him what he’s doing. YG tells her that Stone Cold went looking for a doctor. Epiphany tells Nurse Crowell to put him in Cube 3 and to page Dr. Julian. When Nurse Crowell points out that Dr. Julian is a cardiologist, Epiphany says that he’s got 2 hands and a medical degree so he gets to help out. YG is enamored of Nurse Crowell.

Back in Trauma 1, Dr. Scorpio tells Patrick that they’re admitting him for observation. Patrick feels fine, but Dr. Scorpio won’t take his word for it. He could have a closed brain bleed. Patrick suggests subjecting him to external stimuli. They kiss.

Stone Cold is trying to get a doctor for YG but no one can seem to help him. Ms. Sneed (Iris) tells him he’ll have to wait his turn. She tells Heather (Nurse #1 from earlier) that Dr. Boyd wants her to assist with the surgery. Stone Cold heads back to the waiting room. Lando tells him that if the boy with the beanie is his friend, he’s in Cubicle 1. No, he’s in Cubicle 3. Man, these are some hack writers if they can’t remember what they wrote 2 paragraphs ago. Stone Cold goes towards the Cubicle but 2 Cops stop him. Cop #1 identifies Stone Cold as Jason and asks Jason if he saw what caused the fire when he pulled the woman out of the ambulance. Jason says no. Cop #2 says it was a punctured canister of laughing gas. Cop #1 (identified as Mac by Jason) asks why that gas was in the ambulance. Jason doesn’t know. Mac tells him to let them know if he remembers anything. Jason goes to check on YG and passes a doctor pronouncing the woman in the ambulance dead at 10:57pm. Wait, it’s only 11pm? This means the Night Shift is 10pm-7am. The Doctor tells SN1 to figure out who the woman was. Jason looks sad. SN1 looks all doe eyed at Jason.

In a room, Dr. Scorpio is putting monitor patches on Patrick. He promises to stay put. Dr. Scorpio doubts it. Patrick tells her he doesn’t need a babysitter.

Back in Cubicle 1 (or 3), Dr. Julian tells Nurse Crowell to get an x-ray of YG’s foot, plus give him a tetanus shot. YG’s not happy about that news. Jason walks in and tells YG to let the doctor do his job. Dr. Julian asks who he is. Jason says he’s there to pay the bill. He asks if YG needs anything. Dr. Julian says he’ll know more once they get the x-rays back. He offers to look at Jason’s hands. Jason says no. Dr. Julian leaves. Nurse Crowell tells YG not to let anyone move him and tell anyone who tries that Jolene Crowell is his nurse and Dr. Julian is his doctor. She leaves. YG waxes poetic about Jolene’s name and how she’s his Angel of Mercy. Talk of Jolene then segues into Jason’s hands being BBQ’d, which leads to YG being hungry. Jason tells YG (now identified as Spinelli) to be quiet and rest. Spinelli comments about Jason saving the woman in the ambulance. Jason tells Spinelli that she died.

Epiphany is updating a Doctor on the goings-on. Dr. Boyd is taking care of a coronary patient, Dr. Julian is in Trauma 3, looking at a contusion. Doctor asks what Dr. Scorpio is doing. Epiphany explains that Dr. Scorpio is overseeing Patrick’s case. Doctor asks if that’s a good idea. Epiphany tells him that she’s a nurse and doesn’t tell the doctor’s what to do. She notices that MG has come in and excuses herself to go over to him. She asks if she can help him. He says he needs a prescription. She puts him into a cube and tells him she’ll get a doctor for him.

In the waiting room, Mrs. Storch is cross stitching and talking to PW, who looks very bored.

Dr. Julian gets into the elevator with Lando. He presses the button for 10th floor but it won’t light. Lando tells him he’s got to have the right touch. Oh. My. God. Seriously? There was no point to this scene at all.

SN1 is on the phone with the hotel. She’s telling whomever that they were the ones who called 911 so they should have a record of who the woman in the ambulance was. She manages to get the last name of the woman: Barrett. While SN1 is on the phone, Jolene tells Epiphany that Dr. Julian wanted x-rays and a tetanus shot for Cube 1/3. Epiphany tells her to order it and then gives SN2 the paperwork to take to Patrick’s room. She also tells SN2 to tell Lainey that he’s got a psych consult. SN2 leaves. SN1 complains to Jolene that SN2 gets to take stuff to Dr. Drake while she’s stuck trying to identify a dead burn victim. Jolene points out that half the doctors at GH want to “mentor” Layla so why should Dr. Drake be any different. SN1 says that Dr. Scorpio would have something to say about it.

Mac asks a nurse to page Robin Scorpio and Dr. Ford. A Young Cop sneaks up on The Volunteer. She’s glad to see him and wants to leave but he’s on duty. She notices Mac is occupied so she grabs the Young Cop by the hand, saying she wants to have fun with his handcuffs.

Robin tells the nurse to push Patrick’s MRI to the front of the line. Mac asks her about the explosion. She says that she’s not sure what happened but that she thought for sure she was watching Patrick die.